placebo.

(they are laying on the couch, watching The Graduate) 
Soph: i can't keep doing this.
Mika; what's that supposed to mean?
Soph; i've got nothing left.
Mika; wha —?
Soph; for you. I'm emty, honey, i can't keep trying to save this ship. We are fuckin sinking.
Mika; i don't understand you. Everything is fine. I'm not asking for anything.
Soph; Yeah. Yes, you are!
Mika; i'm not! what the fuck, soph?
Soph; i can't keep going. I can't keep pretending that i don't care.
Mika; (...) Sophia--
Soph; I can't, IT'S KILLING ME.
Mika; Sophia, stop.
Soph; No, you stop. There's nothing here for you to devour. I've got nothing. I can't — I don't — I won't. No more. I love you. You are one of the most precious things i have in this life.I'm lost without you, but please let me go. I can't keep feeding you of me. I can't keep kissing you whenever you feel needy, or horny, or just craving a little warm. I can't keep running to you everytime you feel lonely, i can't —
Mika; what the fuck, that's BULLSHIT, Sophia, and you know it, you are the one that fuckin  calls me crying —
Soph; NO, I'M NOT. You are. You don't see it, 'cause you learned to believe your own lie —
Mika; you are the one who lives in fantasy world.
Soph; No! you don't see it, but i clearly feel it. You push me, everytime, to you, you pull me to you even when you fucking broke up with me to give me freedom of choice, you drown me in your asphyixiating circle of — you do, you pull me into this alternative universe where is good, it's right to be together in this ambiguous and dependent relationship but everything feels so WRONG, 'cause you know, 'cause we know that it's a lie, a freaking lie to pretend that nothing has changed, that somehow— somehow we can keep on living with no worries, with no consequences.
But we can't. We can't and it tears me apart because i'll give anything to be the piece in your heart that it's been missing. It kills me because i can't watch you hurt yourself like this.
It tears me apart because i know deep inside that i need you out of my life.
Mika; (...) you can't do this to me. You can't.
Soph; call me a coward. Call me a bitch with no heart, a fuckin pussy, a traitor, a bad friend. Call me everything you need but don't stop loving me. 'Cause i wont stop loving you. 'Cause in a month from now i will lay awake, craving for your voice, for your laugh with all my soul but i won't come.
I won't come until i learn how to live fully and happy without you. I won't come until i can look you in the eye and feel certain that you are just a friend and therefore i can be by your side and fully help you (no misunderstandings, no misplaced affections) be the beautiful person you are, deep inside you. At the end, it's the only way i'm allowed to love you.